Unfair Roles
Role Assignments. It’s definitely a common practice. Let’s say you’ve known a person for some time and you’ve gotten close. It’s easy to assign them a role of best friend, close friend, God-sister, God-brother and so on. It happens!
Role assignments tend to make us feel a sense of security and definition in our relationships. That’s understood. The problem comes in when you assign roles to people in your life that they either cannot fill, don’t want to fill or don’t know they are supposed to fill. Let’s just call this assigning unfair roles.
When you assign unfair roles to people in your life, you begin to place expectations on them. For example, if in your heart and mind a person is a best friend, you expect constant communication. You expect check-ins. You expect them to be there for you at a moment’s notice. You expect them to tell you the truth. But if they don’t know you have assigned them such role and are unable to meet your expectations, you end up disappointed.
From there, you blame them for not being the best friend you expect them to be. You spiral down an emotional roller-coaster of unnecessary judgments of a person whom YOU put in a role.
That is unfair and that is unhealthy.
Unfair roles are assigned by you. The expectations are set by you. The terms and conditions are established by you. Only you. And the only one who knows about them is YOU. Only YOU. That is what makes them unfair!
It’s not to say that a person can’t be your best friend, close friend and so on. I have a close friend that I call my “HOMIE” (Yes, I have a HOMIE!) and she knows her role and I know mine. How is it that we are clear about our roles in each others’ lives? We communicated them. We were clear about them. We understood them. We accepted them and we operate in them.
The point is, if you are assigning roles to people in your heart and mind without communication with the other person, you can’t expect them to meet the expectations you established.
Let’s talk about it. Have you assigned unfair roles to people? Have you been disappointed that someone didn’t meet expectations set by you that they didn’t know they were supposed to meet? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!
And of course, stay connected. Stay engaged. Stay Titus II Living!
This was a great read. Its allowing me to take a step back and reconsider people I’ve placed in unfair roles, or unfair roles I placed myself in. I never viewed it in this perspective but its right on time. Thank you for this Woman Of God!
Keep It Going!!!!
Great point! I know I’ve placed myself in unfair roles from time to time so no one is to blame but myself! I literally had to tell God, “I release (person’s name) from this position I’ve held them in for all this time”. And even further, release myself from those roles I placed my own self in. Thanks for sharing!
Yes! This is a wonderful explanation of relationships and communication. I have struggled for years with my expectations of other people and my definition of roles. I have learned that my definition of “friendship” or even “communication” is different than others. It is extremely important for me to understand and reconcile who I am relating to, what my expectations are of them, what are their expectations of me, and defining all things for common ground. It is exhausting but well worth it!
Yes! Defining all things for common ground is so important and it is exhausting especially when there is the slightest miscommunication or misinterpretation! Clarity is key and all parties involved must gain clarity all around. It’s work but definitely a blessing in the end!
Great read! I have both been the one to assign and have had them assigned to me! It is so important to discuss roles in each other’s lives so that you are not expecting more out of someone than they can give. I always feel like we expect our best friend to call us and check in when we are just as capable to pick up the phone and make the call first.
Absolutely! It’s one thing to expect someone to treat us a certain way, and it’s another thing to literally treat others the way we want to be treated! Do unto others as you would have them do unto you!
YES HOMIE! This is so true! I think, I placed unfair roles onto people to early. I mean called a person a friend even before I really knew that person, which caused a lot of grief on me in the end. This is an excellent read because it speaks nothing but truth. We have to quit holding people accountable for roles they did not know they had. Time and discussions are needed to determine who you are in my life. I do know my role with you, HOMIE!
Absolutely HOMIE! I know for myself I’ve done the same. I’ve placed people in roles too early and then got disappointed when they didn’t meet my expectations. How could they? They had no idea what those expectations were! Communication is key and though it may lead to some tough conversations, it is definitely worth it in the end.
Yes! This was explained so perfectly! I’ve definitely been there! Communication and understanding is always key! I had moment when I place someone in a Bestfriend role without ever discussing what that role consisting of and vise versa. Definitely, communicate to avoid disappointment and unrealistic expectations!
I completely understand! I’ve done the same thing with calling people “God-brother” or “God-sister” and they never knew it. I was calling them that in my own head. They had no idea! So, every time I was disappointed by something they did or didn’t do, I blamed them for not living up to being that kind of person in my life. Well how could they? They didn’t know! And you know, that’s a breeding ground for bitterness and resentment and grudge holding.
Awesome discussion on unfair roles it brings clarity to may times while I have experienced the rejection in my life from others who I thought was my friend. Not realizing until now(my truth) I am not sure if I even asked the person(s) if they wanted to be my friend or considered me as a friend. I can honestly say I have been so emotionally blinded to most of my relationships personal and professional giving people unfair roles who may not even wanted the role in the first place. Honestly its not until i developed a relationship with God for myself and not through the prayers and opinions of others tell i began to realize that Holy Ghost will lead you to the people that are assigned to your life and that want to be in your life. A great example is our church I gained a family of brothers and sisters in Christ who actually love the role of being called my family. 😊 It’s not until we truly get in the word and get close relationship with God it is then we can see and hear things and atop making decisions on what we feel. No longer bound to my emotions or people who keep me emotionally blinded as well because although they may have been assigned an unfair role that I gave them they used that role for their own personal gain. Amen great great blog Sister Joy! No more assigning unfair roles to people.
Hallelujah and amen!!
I be ready to quickly put people in roles in my life just to fill voids that I have lack with God and He has not yet said properly if that person should be there what I call to them to be in my life. Good lesson I got to ask God first and wait. I made that error a lot and had myself disappointed and emotional.
I completely understand! It’s important to know where you are in your walk with the Lord. It’s easy to try and fill voids by attaching ourselves to people unwisely or even engaging in activities in place of spending time with God. If we feel there is a void, we don’t automatically run to God and get in His word, a lot of times we seek out people or things. It’s hard for your soul to make her boast in the Lord if you aren’t growing in relationship with God. Thanks for sharing!